Band members - a guide

(Written 21/06/2006)

I used to be a roadie. My friend Ben asked me to confirm the stereotypical view of drummers.

My first-hand knowledge is very out of date, but from my days as a roadie, yes, if there's a nutter in the band, it's 99% likely to be the drummer. If someone's floating face down in the hotel pool, it's the drummer. Which member of the band ingested an unknown powder/pill/organic substance that someone threw on stage? You guessed.

There's a widespread view that drummers are thick, but that's not entirely true in my experience. They're more likely to indulge in acts of reckless bravado, and because they have the most physically demanding job in a band, they're usually very fit and have a lot of upper body strength, so they get away with such acts. They also know that they are lowest in the band pecking order, with the least opportunity to add to their income from songwriting credits, so there's sometimes a slight resentment going on. This shows up after the second bottle of Jack Daniels, or when the groupie's experimental drug cocktail kicks in.

BTW, band pecking order, particularly when on tour:

1. Singer. Gets all the women. Is usually friends with guitarist, and shares songwriting revenue with him. Most likely to suggest concept album.

2. Guitarist. Gets most of the women. Is usually friends with the bass guitarist, tolerates singer during songwriting sessions. Secretly hates singer, who only has to sing, while guitarist does all the clever stuff. Most likely to suggest acoustic/world music album.

3. Bass guitarist. Gets women who want to talk, especially during sex. Closet intellectual. Is usually friends with the drummer. Nobody knows why. Has written a few songs, all of which have been rejected by singer/guitarist collective. Most likely to suggest jazz/fusion album.

4. Drummer. Gets women, and is thankful. Is friends with all other band members, or so he thinks. Closest friend, though, is lighting rigger with nickname "Shithead", who shares upper body strength attribute and similar attitude to reckless adventure. Most likely to suggest a nice cup of tea.

Unknown = Keyboard player. Can appear anywhere from 3-5 in pecking order. (Rick Wakeman's career with Yes can be seen as a slide from 3-5.) Will never get higher than 3, as he writes really good songs that the band want to record, but writes both the music and the lyrics, frustrating singer and guitarist. Gets women who have absolutely no interest in singer or guitarist, adding to their frustration. Knows more about "proper" music than anyone in the band, having been classically trained. Also knows more about computers than anyone else. Most likely to suggest individual solo albums.