Daily Mail trolling

(Written 23/10/2010 for a group that I am a member of.)

I have done A Bad Thing...

I occasionally look at the online Daily Mail, to read the hilarious reader comments that the Mail allows for nearly every story. These are mainly written by people who believe the Jeremy Kyle show is real. Last night,  I noticed that Wayne Rooney was their latest target for spittle-flecked rage because he has increased his salary when "ordinary", "decent" people are having to make savings. (For anyone who is unfamiliar with said Rooney, he is, I understand, a potato-faced friend of elderly prostitutes. And he plays football.)

I was particularly amused when I read one comment calling for "bringing back wages that are proportional to what these people actually do". It rang a bell in my head... Why, if it's not our old friend, "From each according to his talents, to each according to his needs", by noted sport commentator K. Marx! And this is where the unworthy thought entered my head, which has become a Bad Thing - I added a comment of my own, carefully worded to blend in with the general tone of the debate, gently steering along the idea of revolutionary socialism. Here it is:

Couldn't agree more. The Govt ought to put a cap on what can be paid to footballers, others too, like overpaid pop stars, and especially bankers. Then they ought to take the money saved and give it to nurses, carers and others who do REAL work. Rooney "earns" £1m a MONTH! That would pay for 20 nurses on £50,000 a year! And if we could offer nurses that kind of money, the NHS would be swamped with applications!

Cameron - take note. There are many footballers who "earn" similar sums, many pop stars who receive millions for a few hours in the studio, and the less said about bankers the better. Cap their wages, divert the money to hard-working people whose contribution to Britain is greater than their wage packet, and watch the poorest workers vote for you in their millions!"

I know, it's nonsense, if Rooney wasn't paid so much, his club would keep the money, and I fully expected someone to have said as much when I looked at the thread this morning. And yet...

As at 23:00 tonight, there had been 974 comments on the story - and mine is the 23rd best rated, having received 379 "green arrows"! Yes, proud right-wing DM readers seem to be in favour of total government control of wages, with pay structures biased towards the poorest. Oh, now I'm tempted to try to sneak state control of the means of production past them...

I'm going to Hell, aren't I?

(And a friend commented...)

> Brilliant!!!

Cheers! Actually, Dave Nicol from Portsmouth (my DM-baiting alter ego - 2013 update: I no longer use this name on the DM site) has posted before, on quite a number of subjects, including the need to equip fat unemployed people with pedometers so that their benefits can be subject to them taking a Govt-required amount of exercise designed to reduce their weight. Note the preference for Govt control, which Dave thinks is a good idea, because he has a natural deference to The Government, even if he has a bone to pick with the government. Same goes for royalty, he won't take any criticism of Prince Charles, who is our Future King, and therefore deserves our respect, no matter what.

Dave is in receipt of a pension, owns a small business outside Portsmouth, has a daughter who is banned from using Facebook, which he hates with a vengeance (although he doesn't actually understand what it is, and is frequently corrected), and has a pretty good standard of living. He shoots lots of animals and birds, and eats most of them, although he draws the line at foxes because they don't taste too good. (So many red arrows on that one!)

Before the Rooney post, his best effort was in trying to answer a DM reader's question regarding the national deficit, which was along the lines of "Just who do we owe this money to?" His response began with Well... amongst others - ME. Dave went on to explain that he had lent some of his money to the Govt on a long-term basis, that they were paying him 9% on the loan, and that anyone could do the same, they're called Government Bonds.

DM readers work on simple terms, so this was a little difficult - Govt borrowing money, BAD, paying through the nose for doing so, SUPER BAD, opportunity for DM readers to make better profits than swindling bankers pay on savings accounts... uh... hang on... GOOD... but that makes them... ... ... at which point, several readers exploded.